Stranger, Danger, Anger

So there I was, trying to be an adult and travel. Listen, if it’s been a while for you, rehearse. This was the most frightening thing I’ve done in a while. You may see me type that a few more times in the blog posts about this trip to San Fransisco. Now, let us delve into the mess that became an internal fit of anger that could’ve been avoided with rational thoughts, deep breaths, and less childishness.

Note: I’ve already judged myself… Save your judgment for a more worthy cause.

Background Information

In the early fall, I applied to go to a huge summit hosted by a large online entity and was accepted. The summit was in February in San Fransisco (Silicon Valley), CA and I live in Florida. Listen, I am a grown woman and I can do ANYTHING I want to do WHEN I want to do it. No one tells me no! I’m brave and bold and, dammit, I deserve a break from all this daily adulting stuff I have to do! I thought I was going to have the time of my life taking this mom-cation. California sun on my face, wind in my braids, whipping around the city in rides provided by ride-sharing apps and taking pictures with little shopping bags on famous streets with delectable, gorgeously plated foods and drinks with grass and flowers in them stationed strategically on tables in the background! BOY was I wrong! I was kidding the hell out of myself living all this crap out in my head. I’m 37, overweight, a hermit, it’s the first of the month, I live on a budget, etc. The only person that believed that crap was the child in my head dreaming it up. (To all of my friends who knew I was going, you don’t love me because you did NOT warn me.)

Let’s Fly Y’all!

Have you ever heard of a failure to launch? I have single-handedly redefined that phrase. I won’t belay the information any longer.

I booked my travel through a travel company that gave all attendees specific dates to book. In my overzealousness, I misread the date and booked my dates wrong. I didn’t even realize it until it was almost too late. When I realized my blunder, I contacted the travel agent and asked for help. She was so amazing (thank you Sheba) and she took awesome care of me. However, I still couldn’t read for comprehension. So in my head, I’m thinking my flight leaves on Tuesday morning. My husband took the day off and we prepared all the kids to see me off at the airport that morning (except my teenaged son who wanted to sleep instead).

We got up that morning, got the kids ready, loaded my luggage and took off for the airport at 5 a.m. I pulled up my boarding passes and looked at them to marvel at my accomplishment in getting everyone out of the house on time. I noticed it said February 6th, and thought, today is the 6th right? No… It’s not. I gently touched my husband’s arm and said, “I know you love me. Right?” He looked at me with that husbandly look of ‘Oh Lord, here we go…’ I said, “Umm, I fly out tomorrow.” He exhaled, put his turn signal on and turned right so we could go back home. I had officially lost all faith in my own ability to do anything properly. Yes, I’m in need of an adult.

On My Own…

After the previous blunder, I wouldn’t have asked my husband to take another day off. That would’ve been very inconsiderate. So I just suggested a rideshare app and I swear if looks could kill, this would be the typing of my ghostwriter (see what I did there). Since that was a no go, I said I would take my truck to the airport and he could pick it up later. He was ok with that, so that was the deal.

I got up that morning, got my butt to the airport and parked in economy parking. I called my husband on video and let him know where I parked. I went in and prepared to check my bag. The attendant says, “That’ll be $30.” I’m sorry… My ticket is paid for, why do you need $30? She says, “For your bag.” Ma’am… My ticket is paid for… “Yes, and that only covers the flight. If you’re checking a bag, it’s a separate cost.” OH MY GOODNESS… Who in the hell left the gate open AND let the dogs out? I was appalled! After a few questions, I found that one of my affiliations qualified me for free checked bags. What about the people that aren’t affiliated with anyone or anything? This could be expensive!

Thankfully, I was also TSA Pre-Check approved so I didn’t have to do the cursory pre-flight striptease that SO many people were doing. Seriously, most of these people were almost down to their unmentionables just to go through the scanner. The time they tell you to take going through TSA is for you to get undressed and redressed. God forbid you have an underwire bra on… Oh, my…

I went over to my gate and found a seat. It looked pretty heavy on people with what they’d passed off as carry-on bags. I’m looking at WHOLE suitcases, like, sir/ma’am, that is NOT the carry on piece in the luggage set! However, at $30 per checked bag with a 50lb weight limit, I can see why they didn’t want to check them. I sat there people watching and listening to music waiting for them to start boarding my flight.

Finally, they start boarding, and once again, this affiliation (that shall remain nameless) got me in with priority boarding! Check in the friggin’ box y’all! You may be wondering, why does it even matter? Well, with the aforementioned sizes of the carry on luggage I’d seen, overhead storage space fills up quicker than the flight does. So if you’re willing to pay an extra $49, you can get on the flight right after First Class boards. Again, this could become expensive!

And We’re Off!

I made sure I picked window seats so I could take awesome pictures for blogs of the future (royalty free if it’s my own, right?) without having to reach over someone. The flight boards seamlessly. Then, out of nowhere, I had an epiphany, I’ll watch Netflix on this 4 hour and 58-minute flight! Yea Kelly, while you fly over all of the cellular towers you need to get reception. But wait, I can just watch something when the WiFi comes on with the in-flight entertainment. Boy was I wrong (again)! Did you know in-flight internet access is $10 per hour? How many times do I have to tell you this can become expensive? Y’all think I’m joking and I’m really not. You better have some money with you.

All was well with the flight, including the little older couple that sat next to me. The lady of the couple twitched a lot in her sleep and apologized every time she bumped me. I did not care at all. She was sleeping and I was just happy she was a sweetie pie. Somehow, we made it to Dallas late, and my little older friends said, “Oh, we gotta hustle to the tram so we can get to our connecting flight!” I’m thinking, tram? As in I have to catch a transit vehicle to get to another area? Oh my goodness. Did I mention I was wearing slides? As in, shoes made for lounging, not hustling. I originally had a two-hour layover, but that was whittled down to around 54 minutes by our late arrival. I was on concourse C of Dallas-Fort Worth Airport, and I needed to be on concourse A. Again, my shoes were not made for me to get across an airport in a swift motion, nor were my out of shape quad “muscles,” my gut, my tiny carry on or my brain. However, I’m Kelly Rose, I can do anything! So I got my hustle on.

I started walking as fast as my small steps and big body could take me, rushing to get to the Skylink. It definitely reminded me how out of shape I am! I wanted to call one of those little carts to come pick me up! My quads were burning. I couldn’t fight the urge to move forward, but I also felt like my body was going to give out on me at the same time. I didn’t know whether to sit down and give up or keep going, so I just kept going.

Herein Lies the Stranger, the Danger, and the Anger…

As soon as I get to the Skylink door, which arrived just in time for me to hop on, a chick stops me and says, “Can you tell me where I’m going?” In my head, I’m like HELL NO! I don’t even know where I’m going! I asked her what gate she was trying to get to, and she says, “22.” Which 22 are you trying to get to? She throws her hands up and says loudly with frustration, “I don’t know, it just says 22!” I’m thinking, lady, don’t blame me, I don’t know your life! And you definitely need to pipe that volume down talking to me when I’m just trying to help you when I need help my dang self. Breathe Kelly, just breathe…

I kept moving toward the tram and telling her about the Skylink to get around the concourses. She hopped on behind me. I’m glad she did. I just knew she wanted me to stand there and talk to her and she would’ve been sorely disappointed by my absence. I asked her where her boarding pass was because there has to be a letter to identify what concourse she needs to get to. So she begins to dig it out of this massive, printed carry on bag. I’m thinking, you kind of need that to be more readily available than at the bottom of that bag. She says, “Oh! A22!” Oh? Well, that’s good you now know that. Glad I could help. I looked at her like she was the craziest person I’d ever seen, looked down at my phone as if it were alerting (it wasn’t) and kindly walked away to sit down to chill out for a minute. Lady, you literally almost got cursed out for something YOU failed to read? No, I don’t need that kind of felony record following me for life.

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I made my connecting flight and landed safely in San Fransisco. I was completely zapped of patience, sanity, and energy, but that was only the beginning. There will be more to come in this pseudo-series detailing my travel to and from San Fransisco, CA. Stay tuned for more!

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Weekly Whispers! (I forgot!)

CARDI B IS THE FIRST FEMALE SOLO RAP ARTIST TO WIN A GRAMMY! From homeless dancer to HISTORICAL Grammy winner?! Say what you want, but whatever is required, she’s got it.

Tax refunds are looking kind of slim this year… People are filing taxes and NOT liking the outcome of the annual windfall.

So climate change has nothing to do with this polar vortex… The weather is crazy! I’m a little scared!

Eating ultraprocessed foods kills you faster… REALLY NOW? Who DIDN’T have a clue here? How long did the results from this middle school science project take to develop?

 

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I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Make sure you’re subscribed and following my new Instagram account, WhoTheKel.